Planning the Perfect Menu

05/08

So there I was sitting at home, just relaxing and watching the NFL channel, and the workouts at the combine, and I could not help but get excited about the upcoming 2008 football season. Now that the schedule is out, and I know the teams we will be facing at home this year, I can start making plans for The Official Cards Tailgate Team's parties. You see, we have a reputation to maintain. We are famous for our tailgates, our food, our truck and our gameday gear.

Just then the phone rang. When I answered it I was surprised to hear from an old girlfriend who is now living in Flagstaff, Arizona while working on her doctorate. She asked me what I was doing and I told her I was working on my tailgate menu for the upcoming football season. She started laughing and questioned the reason behind planning for a tailgate party months before the season even starts. I tried to explain to her that she just did not understand a true football fan, and she certainly did not understand a fan like me (perhaps that is why she is an ex.) I went on to describe the legendary status of our tailgate parties. We are known as the "Barons of the Barbeque," the "Kings of the Cookout," the "Gurus of the Grub," and we must not disappoint our fans. It is just a matter of pride in the tailgate community. She then asked me, "Well, just what do you have to do to plan for your parties?" I had to correct her. "They are not just tailgate parties - they are tailgate events," I said. And our Tailgate Events, first and foremost, are themed and geared entirely toward the teams we are facing that week. Once we know what teams our Cardinals will be playing, we proceed to write the menu, which includes a description of the fare for the day, and also some good natured "smack" about the opposition. For example, back in 2005 we were playing the Denver Broncos and they had acquired the old Cardinals quarterback, Jake Plummer. That day we served Jake Plummer Has Been Stripped of his Popularity Steaks with a Mile-High Stack of Send Jake Back to Idaho Potatoes.

You gotta be creative.

Another time, we hosted the Oakland Raiders, and here in Arizona, the Raiders and their fans have a less-than-stellar reputation. I appreciate their exuberance and loyalty, but... So, on that day we featured Behind Bars Rib-eye Steaks, and we served them on prison cafeteria trays. It was quite a hit with the Cardinal faithful. It is easy to see that our smack is aimed at either a star, highly visible player, or one that stirs controversy, or at the team itself. It's all in fun and not to be taken too seriously. Our menus are planned, written and published (on paper and online) in April. We try to find a likely player to "target" and then structure our menu entree around him using a play-on-words, an embarrassing event, etc. Unfortunately, sometimes, your "target" may be traded, suspended or choose to retire after you've planned your menu, and before the season actually starts. Therefore, this year's menu will be more team or coach or owner directed. When planning our menu items, there are several things that we take into consideration:

Weather

In the hot months, here in Arizona, tailgating in August, September, and even into October, can be a temperature challenge. Therefore, our cooking and preparation time, in the parking lot, is always kept to a minimum. That gives us more time for consumption of liquid refreshment. And don't forget to pack plenty of ice, not only for that liquid refreshment I just mentioned, but more importantly, for the perishable foodstuffs.

Ease of Preparation

Remember that tailgating, for most people, is an experience void of a full kitchen and adequate space. So always keep in mind, when planning menus, what equipment, tools, utensils and space will be needed for preparation. The less "stuff" you need to make it, the less "stuff" you need to clean it up. Also, think about preparation times. A couple of examples; Ribs and brisket must be slow-cooked at very low temperatures for several hours. If your parking lot limits tailgate times to, for example, four hours, there simply wouldn't be enough time to set up your tailgate space and properly prepare and cook good ribs or tender brisket. But, they both can be cooked at home and just heated through at the tailgate. Another example; A favorite at many tailgate events, especially around Thanksgiving, is deep fried turkey. They are absolutely wonderful, but in colder weather it is sometimes difficult to maintain proper oil temperatures, and then you must plan what to do with the oil at the end of the day.

Availability

Certain food items, particularly fruits and vegetables, are available only during certain seasons and should, therefore, be avoided unless one is prepared to pay premium prices. Exotic meats are available at gourmet grocery stores or over the internet and should be considered for those more adventurous tailgaters. We are serving Buffalo (Bison) Brisket this year when we play the Buffalo Bills. I will pre-marinate and pre-cook the brisket prior to the tailgate and then, on game day, I will wrap it in foil and cook it for one hour, then unwrap it and smoke it for an additional 30 minutes. It will be cooked until tender, heated through and smoked. I can hardly wait. It will melt in our mouths as easy as the Bills will go down in defeat in Arizona.

Cost

Should be considered. Although, with our Tailgate Team, we feel that great tailgate food, great seats at the game, and spectacular tailgate and gameday gear is far more important than new shoes or school lunches for our children. Each tailgater must work within his or her own monetary restraints.

Rules and Regulations ,p>Each stadium publishes their own rules, regulations, do's and don'ts for tailgaters. To be good stewards of the tailgating experience and to avoid parking lot confusion or confrontation, it is imperative that all rules be adhered to. And, be advised; check the rules before investing in tailgating equipment and gear. Know what your stadium will allow, or not allow. (This can change from season to season, or even mid-season. So check often!) In 2006, we purchased a very large charcoal BBQ and had it altered and customized specifically for our tailgate event use, and then discovered that the City of Glendale and The University of Phoenix Stadium do not allow charcoal BBQs. The old adage, "haste makes waste" hit me right in the wallet.

Planning and Organization

This is what sets apart a seasoned tailgater from a rookie, and is probably the most important aspect of a successful and memorable tailgate event. Lack of planning and proper organization will insure failure; however, it may also make your tailgate party one that you will never forget. One year, I forgot the regulator for my propane tank. So, I had to leave the tailgate and drive home to retrieve it and then return to the stadium. That little incident cost me a ton of embarrassment and nearly an hour of serious tailgating. Another time, our tailgate was visited by two young men who just couldn't resist the smells filling the air from our BBQ. After a short introduction, we learned that they had invited their girlfriends to the game. The girls had diligently prepared appetizers and salads "to die for," and the gentlemen were to supply the drinks and the meat. Somehow, they forgot to load the meat into the ice chest. The moral of this story: Don't forget your meat, 'cause there are always other guys willing to share their meat with your girlfriends.

Numbers

Another good idea is to try to "ballpark" the number of people you will be cooking for and then add 10 to 20 percent. It is always better to have leftovers than to have even one of your friends go hungry. And, just think, the leftovers are great for your Monday Night Football bash! In addition to our famous food, we also offer to our tailgate friends, guests and visitors, a variety of drink concoctions. During the very warm months, we serve Maul the Opponent Margaritas, and when it gets cooler we unveil our Cardinal Kool-aid Victory Fountain. In addition, we serve our Cardinal Juice (the recipe is secret and the limit is TWO), Cardinal Red Heat Jell-O Shots (made with cherry Jell- O, vodka, cinnamon schnapps and Tabasco), and, in honor or the Cardinals' mascot Big Red, our Big Red's Testicles, which are really cherries marinated in chocolate vodka. At the end of this phone call, my ex said, "It sounds like you guys have a good time." (She really didn't get it.) "No," I told her, "we don’t just 'have a good time.' We are football fans, and we absolutely love football. We love our Arizona Cardinals. We are tailgaters, and we love our Tailgate Events, and we love to party. You should come out and see. Everyone is invited to join us!”